omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I intend to get homeless drunk
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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