i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
