I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
