There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
