At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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