getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
