So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
