Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
