Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
