she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
