Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
