Whod you bang
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
