It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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