He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
