i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
