We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
