yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
