So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
