Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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