Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
