The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
