I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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