Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
