So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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