hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
