I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
