I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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