I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
