whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
