so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
