I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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