You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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