just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
