Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
