he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
