we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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