Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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