Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
