The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
