You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
