Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
