Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
