I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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