you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
