O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
