sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
