So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
