i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
