I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
