you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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