It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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