Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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