After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
