Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
