How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
