Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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