sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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